![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hpraremod posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
hp_rarefestTitle: My Youth Is Yours
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
burnin_up_a_sun
Prompt: #12: Nothing more embarrassing than having the hots for your best friend
Pairing(s): Scorpius/Albus
Word Count: 7140
Rating: NC17
Warning(s): embarrassment
Disclaimer:Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: a huge thank you to my two fab betas (who sadly aren’t on LJ) and to digthewriter for this wonderful prompt. It has a H/D companion piece, which I’ll post on AO3 after this fest is revealed. The title comes from Troye Sivan’s song, Youth.
Summary: Nothing is more embarrassing than having the hots for your best friend, especially when he’s not interested. Or is he?
Uploading to YouTube: Processing. Your video will be available for viewing in five minutes.
I pulled at my hair as I watched the progress of my first video uploading. I don’t even know what I was thinking making a video diary and putting it out there for the Entire. World. To see. I was afraid people would view it and say something. Or worse, not say something. Oh--or even worse, not see it at all.
I tossed my phone onto my bed in dread.
Behind me, Scorpius scuffed into the room. Even without opening the bed curtains, I could tell him apart from everyone; the dickhead never picks up his feet when he walks.
“Al, what are you doing in there? Is it your homework for Muggle Studies?” Scorpius asked from the other side of the curtains. He shook the fabric, making the rings rattle.
Once last year, the arsehole had ripped open my curtains. I don’t know who’d been more embarrassed--me with spunk on my hand or him who watched it get there.
But tossing off in front of my best friend isn’t the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.
No.
That would be falling in love with him.
Utterly. Completely.
Over the span of six years -- so slowly I didn’t realize until last year over winter hols.
We’d been playing Wizard Chess in the Slytherin common room, and Scorpius hates to lose. Hates. It. He’d decided to swipe my wand to distract me, hoping it would mess with my mojo. He’d taunted me, bringing it closer and pulling it out of my reach. I'd called him some choice words while I was laughing and wound up chasing the plonker around the empty common room. I’d grabbed his shirt and held on, but he wriggled out of it and took off. Finally, both of us breathless and hysterical, I’d managed to back him up to our tall blanket cabinet and pushed against him as I reached for the wand he held over his head.
Through my shirt, I felt the heat of his chest as it rose and fell with his laughter. His warm breath tickled my cheeks as he breathed, standing on tiptoes to keep the wand out of my grasp. Merlin, I loved when he laughed so hard that his eyes crinkled at the corners and tiny lines creased the bridge of his nose. I realized, in that second with my heart pounding, what I really wanted to do was snog him senseless.
“Uh, I have to--use the loo,” I’d said without any sophistication, and I’d bolted up the stairs as fast as I could.
I was rock hard.
Because of him, that arse.
“Open ‘em if you want.” I sighed and picked up my phone and checked the uploading progress. Done. What a relief.
“You’re not wanking, are you? Because seeing that last year was enough—”
“Shut the fuck up, Scorp.” I wish he’d quit bringing it up. It wasn’t like I was saying his name when I came...not out loud, anyway.
He ripped the curtain open with a grin on his face, which fell when he saw me not wanking. “I thought I was going to catch you again.”
“Fuck you, you bellend.” I grinned in spite of myself.
***
We’ve been best friends since the first night of our first year. The Sorting Hat declared me a Slytherin, in front of the entire school. Our family’s Gryffindor legacy of courage, chivalry, and determination. Shot. To. Hell.
I’d sat on the stool with that fucking stupid hat on my head held my breath. Because if I breathed, I’d cry. And if I cried in front of the whole fucking school, I’d shame my family even more.
I’d climbed off the stool and began my long, slow slog to the Slytherin table who’d finally cheered for me. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at my real table, my Gryffindor table. Everyone’s jaw hung open, especially my brother’s. My dad looked a little sad. Probably because I was a Slytherin and an embarrassment. (I mean, I know now that he wasn’t sad because of me--but for me. He saw how miserable I was, but later he said it was my first step on my road.)
This tiny, white haired kid moved over to make room for me on the bench. “I’m sorry.”
So someone was gonna start already? “What the fuck does that mean?” I sat up as tall as a shrimpy eleven-year-old could, and I was ready to punch him.
“I meant—I just-- assume you’d rather be with your father and brother in Gryffindor.” His voice was quiet and I leaned closer to hear him better. “I’d rather be in Ravenclaw, where they wouldn’t tease me for being smart.”
I nodded and put out my hand. “I’m Albus. Albus. Severus. Potter. Could you get three worse names?”
The kid actually laughed as he shook my hand. “Try Scorpius. Hyperion. Malfoy.”
“That is bad.” I grimaced and shivered theatrically.
“Fuck off.”
“Make me.”
Which is how we became best friends. Because his name was just as bad as mine.
No, that's not the real reason. In a sea of the scariest people I’d ever met, he and I felt out of place and alone, but now we had each other.
Once everyone had been sorted, the whole house surrounded us first years and welcomed us. They told us that Slytherins will stand together always. For the rest of our lives.
That night, as the five of us first years settled into our room, Slytherin was something that was all mine. Not Jamie’s. Not my father’s.
And no one in Slytherin cared that my father was the Wizarding legend, Harry Potter. That he was The Chosen One. If they cared at all, it was because he taught Muggle Studies and gave us Muggle technology to use.
I lay in the dark that first night too excited to sleep. Finally, I wasn’t someone’s son or someone’s brother. I was me. “Good night, Al,” Scorpius had said quietly, not to wake up our other roommates. No one had ever called me Al before, always Albus, like it was a Holy Name.
Al.
I liked it.
I liked that he thought of me as an individual, not as some prepackaged family deal. I also liked his wicked, cutting sense of humor. His gray-blue eyes. His ability to brew a potion. The way his tongue darted out when he was thinking. And he was a damn good Seeker.
***
“Wow. Where’d you go?” Scorpius waved his hand in front of my face. “You back?”
I rolled my eyes. “I was just thinking how you weren’t a prat when we first met.”
“Fuck you, Al.”
He flipped me two fingers and laughed as he got down on his hands and knees to search under his bed for his Quidditch kit.
“Merlin’s saggy tit, didn’t you wash your uniform after the game?” I asked, sounding ridiculous as I pinched my nose. “Is that what stinks so bad in here? I thought it was Sweeny’s trainers.”
While Scorp looked for his robe, I unlocked my iPhone and closed out the YouTube app. I didn’t want anyone here to find out about it.
“Got it!” He pulled a wrinkled green mess from under his bed. If it’d been in one of my comic books, the uniform cloak would have been surrounded by a swarm of flies.
“If your father had a phone, I’d send him a Snapchat of that. You’d have a Howler here in record time.”
Scorpius stood and sniffed at the cloak, then held it an arm’s length from him. At least he was kind enough to hold it away from me. “Fuck you, Al. Your freakin’ father works here, and I keep all your secrets.”
What the fuck. What secrets? My stomach dropped and I felt sick all of a sudden.
Does he know--how I feel about him? No, right? “I’m literally an open book. I don’t have any secrets.” I said it as confidently as I could, considering I was trembling.
“Like that’s gonna stop me. I’ll make some up.” Scorpius grinned at me and pretended to think. “Let’s see. Hmmm. Dear Professor Potter, You’ll be interested in knowing that Albus Severus cheats in Divination.”
I belly laughed, because I was so frickin’ relieved. He didn’t know about my feelings. About my video. Thank you, Merlin!
“You do that, Scorp. Haven’t you ever read any of his unauthorized biographies? Dad thinks Divination is the stupidest class ever.”
Scorpius didn’t answer me. His ears were red, and he wouldn’t look at me.
I thought I had embarrassed him. “What? Scorp, what did I say?” I walked over to his bed. “Did I say something wrong?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never read about your father. My father kind of—”
Oh, fuck. I forgot. “—hates my dad.”
His cheeks matched his ears. “He likes you. But he only remembers your father from school. They were—”
“Arch nemeses.” I smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. “Yeah. I know. I’ve heard.”
“I wish it weren’t that way. Maybe Professor Potter could get my father’s exile reversed. It would be great for Father to come for our end of year celebration, but c’est la vie.”
He smiled sadly. He said c’est la vie, but I knew it hurt him that his father wasn’t allowed in the UK. It was either accept that punishment after the war or be sent to Azkaban. At least at his flat in Paris, he could still see Scorpius and be part of Scorp’s life.
Scorpius pulled his Potions book from his bag and sank back onto his pillow. He was engrossed in his reading—his smelly game robe forgotten.
I popped in my earbuds, opened the YouTube app on my phone and typed in NMFS, my channel name. Short for Not My Father's Son.
I’d decided to start a YouTube channel because I really needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t talk to Jamie or Lily. Rosie was great, but was friends with Scorpius, too. And the adults wouldn’t understand. Well, GranMol might, but she’d get a little tipsy at a birthday party and everyone would know.
So these videos would be like my diary. And if anyone saw them and responded, maybe I’d have someone to talk to about my life and my sexuality.
It’s not that I don’t love my dad, because I really do, but growing up I’d had to endure people saying, you look just like your father. You're going to do great things, just like your father.
But I’m not mini fucking Harry Potter. I’m my own goddamn person. A gay, horny, wisecracking bloke who loves Muggle technology and studying potions. Harry Freaking Potter is none of those things. He’d probably never told a joke or skived off in class when he was at Hogwarts. Hell, he couldn't even make his marriage work, so much for horny.
I hit play and the video started. I’d transfigured an empty classroom to look like a Muggle bedroom including classic rock posters on the wall. Zeppelin. The Who. Yes.
I made sure the camera only recorded me from the neck down. I’m not great at Glamours and if a wizard were watching, I didn't want to take a chance that the Glamour hadn’t filmed right. And I’d be so fucked if someone recognized me and went running to my father.
Hi everyone. Thanks for coming to my channel. I'm--
I’d made two square brackets with my fingers and inserted NMFS in there when I edited it.
I'm going to share my life with you--what it's like to be a gay bloke from a sheltered community. My upbringing does not allow technology of any sort. I should say most people where I live. Kids my age are trying to bring it in, but it’s super slow.
So, I’m 17. I go to a boarding school in Scotland. We only get to go home for winter and summer hols. I miss my mum, but my brother and sister are here with me. That kind of sucks, because like, no privacy, right? No place to make my own mistakes without someone telling one of them or worse, my father. Oh, I forgot to tell you my father teaches here, too.
Another issue in my upbringing is that it’s hard to be gay. My parents and their friends are all about marrying into the right families and having babies. So, yeah. Not out. And well, I’m totally in love. I have been for years. He’s my best mate. He’s great, so hot and so smart, which is so freaking hot, too. And he’s an incredible athlete. And before you ask, no. I can’t tell him how I feel.
I hope you understand why I can’t show you my face. If anyone I knew saw this, I’d be well fucked...And not in the good way.
I’ll try to make my next video longer. If you liked this, I hope you’ll subscribe to my channel…
When I edited, I’d added my channel name, and under the video screen was a link to subscribe.
…And I’ll see you next Friday!
Okay. It wasn’t that bad. I mean, I looked kind of stupid, but I’d think that even if I looked like Tom Hiddleston. I don’t know. Maybe no one would ever see it. That would be ok, because at least this way, I felt like I had someone to talk to. Even if it were just me.
And that made me laugh. Who was I kidding? I knew I’d be sneaking looks all night, to see if it even had views. I’d signed up for a service that would recommend my channel to people who’d viewed similar content. “Because you’ve watched Dan & Phil, you might also like—”
My stomach rumbled, which sounded a lot like the squid’s tentacles on our windows. I laughed, but Scorpius didn’t look up; he was completely absorbed in his Potions book.
I try really hard not to look at him when people are around, because I feel like my eyes betray me. What if I look like a puppy? Or a lovesick 17-year-old. But it was safe now.
His eyelashes were so long; if we kissed, our eyes closed, would his lashes brush my cheeks, feel like butterfly kisses? And his hair. It’s like the white sand that drifts through my fingers, soft and warm when I’m at the beach on vacation. Sometimes I think about touching his hair, maybe with his head on my lap, just reading his Runes book or dozing, and I’m petting him. And it would be so soft and he’d be so beautiful, and I’d lean over and kiss him, and he’d lay us down and roll on top of me, and he’d be so hard and--
Fuck. I was hard now.
Breathe. Breathe. Slow down. I had to make my dick go down. I couldn’t get up from my bed like this.
Instead, I threw a pillow at Scorp, who was still reading. When it hit him, he looked up at me, with this huge smile. And he flipped me off and I knew when I looked at him, it was all gooey and fond.
“Hey. It’s dinner time, then practice.” I tried not to look right at him, so in case he could read my mind. “Wanna go?” When I knew my dick wouldn’t embarrass me, I got up, grabbed my Quidditch kit and threw his nasty robe at him. When he pretended to faint from the stink, I may have melted a little more.
~*~
One really, really bad thing about springtime night practices is the increased chance of rain.
Yeah.
Just because I was Captain didn’t mean they’d listen when I said, “Don’t fucking grind me into the mudpud—” And next thing I knew I was covered in mud and soaking wet. I had mud in places it didn’t belong.
I try to be the first one to grab a shower and then leave as quickly as I can. I mean, no one knows I’m gay, and a lot of guys rub one out in the long, open stall, but I just—I didn’t want to see Scorpius like that. Actually, no, of course I do. And that was the problem.
By the time Scorpius and I got back to the changing room, only one shower head was open. My teammates had strewn their muddy uniforms all over the small room as they peeled them off. Since the one bench was between the lockers and the showers, I had to step carefully or tromp on the wet clothes. “You go ahead,” I said. “I’ll wait. I’m trying to find out the homework for Muggle Studies.” I waved my phone toward him, as if to say, see? Not lying.
He stripped out of his kit as he talked, and I pretended to be immersed in my phone because I couldn’t look at him while he spoke. “Merlin’s balls, Al. Do you ever pay attention in class? We have to look at that new app, YouTube I think it’s called? And make and post a video.”
Are you fucking kidding me? Of all weeks, our class has to go on YouTube when I just started my own channel? Merlin’s fucking saggy balls. If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. I hid my face in my palms and just shook my head.
His clapped his warm, wide palm on my muddy shoulder. “Don’t worry, Al. You’re not that ugly. You won’t break the camera.”
I turned around to tell him to fuck off. He was sweaty, the hair on his chest damp with it. Dirty where mud had seeped through his uniform trousers. And naked.
The air whooshed out of my chest.
I tried not to stare at his half hard cock that was at my eye level. I felt light headed and literally saw stars from not breathing.
The blush rushed up my neck and face and I spun away. I can’t--I can’t look at him because he doesn’t feel the same, and that makes me fucking pathetic. “Oh yeah. YouTube.”
“I have no idea how you pass any of your classes.” He knocked into me and walked toward the shower.
I listened to the trash talk between my teammates, about their girlfriends and shite professors, about dinner, about everything, as I tried to blank out Scorp. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him naked, but once I’d knew how I felt, I made sure I avoided it.
Because, I was pretty sure we’d never get together, and eventually, when I came out, I wanted to be able to say honestly, I wasn’t creeping him.
My head ached as I shrugged off my cold, slimy kit. One by one the other guys finished their showers, talking and laughing as they dressed and left. I wrapped a towel around my waist and sat on the bench, scrolling through YouTube. I had zero hits on my video so far.
“Potter. What are you waiting for? Afraid of water?” Scorpius had snuck up behind me and whipped his head side to side, his wet hair raining on me.
“No. I’m just—” I turned around, and again I wasn’t prepared for the towel, slung low on his hips, well below his belly button. The downy hair that led under the towel, darker than the hair on his head.
Jesus. I wanted to kiss him, slowly at first, then harder, needier. To take his hand that held the corners of the towel together, forcing him to release the towel and already be on my knees by the time it hit the floor, to lick the shower water from him, drop by drop.
I think I moaned.
Fuck, I was hard. Again.
“Are you going to take a shower before we head back? I’ll wait for you.” Scorpius scooped my wet uniform pieces into a neat pile and placed them in my hold-all before dressing.
“You really don’t have to.” I trembled from my need to toss off. I’d ignored it too many times and my balls were, like, literally blue. I grabbed my towel and shower bag and held them low enough that I really hoped they covered me. If only there were divided showers, or at least curtains.
I turned on the cold water, but I couldn’t stay in it; my teeth chattered too hard. I looked over my shoulder and Scorpius was head down in his phone. Maybe I could just take care of business. I switched to hot water and washed up as quickly as I could. As I lathered my hair, I checked Scorpius one more time. Good. He was still absorbed in his phone.
I rinsed my hair, and then squeezed out more shampoo onto my palm. It was a bad choice, but my only choice. I wrapped my fingers around my cock, and the slippery shampoo seeped through the gaps between my fingers as I squeezed tighter.
It wasn’t gonna take long, but I didn’t care. I leaned my forehead on the back wall and let the water stream over my shoulders. I thought about Scorpius on his knees in the shower.
Swallowing my entire cock in one go. His eyes smiling up at me because his mouth is so full and stretched as wide as it goes. I did that to him. He moans as I fuck his mouth, but not like a sign of submission or anything, but because he likes it. I like it. God, he loves it.
My fist pumps faster the more I think about him sucking me just because I love it. I melt and melt and I’m trying not to thrust my hips, and when I come on the shower wall, I think I whispered his name.
I angled the shower head toward the wall and rinsed my hands at the same time. I toweled off in the stall and threw on what I’d worn to practice. And I didn’t think Scorpius heard anything.
“Hey, you ready?” I play-punched his arm, and he cursed me out, jamming his phone deep into his pocket.
He took his headphones out and jammed his phone into his robe pocket. “That was fast. I don’t know why you don’t take longer showers here. The water is hotter.”
“Yeah,” I said as we walked back up to the castle. “But sometimes, a bloke just wants privacy when he showers.”
Scorpius turned to me, grinning. “Why? It’s not like I haven’t heard you before.”
I shoved him with my hip, and he stumbled sideways, laughing.
~*~
The common room felt too cold when we came in, so Scorpius and I grabbed two blankets from the cabinet and returned to our room to finish our homework. We changed into warm pyjamas and crashed on his bed. I wrote a Potions essay and then slogged through History of Magic reading as he wrote his Arithmancy essay.
“So, what was the specific assignment for Muggle Studies?” I poked Scorpius’ thigh with my toes.
Scorpius checked his calendar app. “We need to make a video alone or a collab and upload it to YouTube. And Professor Potter reminded us that violations of the Statute of Secrecy are handled outside of Hogwarts.”
My heart pounded. All these people going on YouTube. But I had been careful. It’ll be fine. And I definitely didn’t show my face. I breathed out slowly reminding myself I was prone to drama. Thanks, Mum.
“Want to record a collab? I’ve seen these YouTubers do something called the 7 second challenge.” Scorpius bit his lip as he thought. “Like, one issues a challenge and the other has to do it in under 7 seconds. Like, touch all four walls of your room. Or invent an alien greeting.”
“That sounds easier than pouring our hearts out. Wait, you watch Dan & Phil? I do, too.”
“Wait a mo’.” Scorpius hopped off the bed and dashed out of the room. I didn’t smell his pillow while he was gone, because that would have been weird and wrong in so many ways.
Sigh.
He ran back into the room, holding his hand up in victory. “Lucy let me borrow her makeup. This is going to be brilliant.”
He’d gone mental. That was it.
He grinned and dropped down on the bed, popping the books and parchments up and back down. “I’ll close my eyes and try to put makeup on you. Then you do the same to me.”
Ohhhhhhkaaaaaay was all I could manage, but Scorp did agree to go first. I suggested that we change into Muggle shirts and face the camera away from our wall posters.
“Merlin, Al, that was brilliant. I wouldn’t have thought of that, and I’d be in Azkaban for violating the Secrecy statute. Dying of loneliness.” Scorpius dramatically threw the back of his hand across his forehead, like some old illustration.
“You wouldn’t die of loneliness,” I said super seriously. When Scorpius smiled an awwwww that’s nice smile, I finished by saying, “I’d visit you probably once every year or so.”
He hit me with his pillow. The one I definitely didn’t stick my nose into. That smelled like citrus and honey and vanilla.
“Fuck you, Malfoy. You’re gonna break my face, and then I won’t be beautiful anymore.” I lunged at him, my phone in his outstretched hand. “You better not be recording this.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” He fell backward to the bed, laughing so hard I could barely make out his words.
“The fuck I can’t. Gimme my phone.” He knew the passcode to my phone...if he found my video and watched it, he’d find out, and he’d hate me, and we’d never be friends again. What the fuck did I think I was doing with that video? My gut ran cold at the thought of Scorpius not having him in my life.
I climbed over him and planted my knees on either side of his torso. He thought I was going to tickle him, but I wasn’t playing. I just wanted my phone and to ignore the fact that I was straddling him.
“Get it if you want it.” Scorpius was breathless from laughing and he taunted me by bringing my phone closer and pulling it away. Fuck. His biceps pulled at the sleeves of his sleep t-shirt, and the hem of it rucked up, over his belly button exposing the downy hair.
Fuck.
Hoping he wouldn’t notice the growing bulge in my jogging bottoms, I sat back on his thighs and tried a different approach. “May I please have my phone?”
“Oh. Manners.” Scorpius gulped air to stop laughing. “Hmmmm. I wonder what’s on here that I can’t see?” With his thumb, he entered my four-digit code. The pink tip of his tongue dipped out between his lips as he pretended to concentrate.
I leaned forward to make one final grab at the same time he raised his hips to buck me off. My hips rolled and my traitor dick, hard even though this wasn’t really sexual, grazed his.
He stopped struggling and looked into my eyes. His pupils were huge, and I saw something I didn’t recognize.
Oh, fuck.
Fear. Oh God, that was fear in his eyes.
My stupid body ruined everything.
I grabbed my phone, jumped off him and bolted out of the room. I don’t even know if he said anything because all I could hear over the pounding of my heart was my brain telling me how much of a fucking dickhead I was.
I ran.
I didn’t even care if Filch or his stupid cat heard me. I ran to the only place I could think of, where no one could find me. Up to the seventh floor. I walked past the door to the Room of Requirement three times, thinking, “I need to hide where no one can find me. I need to hide where no one can find me.”
When the doors appeared, I ducked inside and slumped down against the wall, dizzy and weak now that it was safe to collapse. I replayed it over and over, like some horror film. We were having such a good time, then he raised his fucking hips, and his shirt, and his stomach, and my hard dick.
I dropped my head to my knees and waited for the nausea to pass. Or to sick up. I’d fucked up the best friendship I’d ever had. I screamed into the vast room, empty except for a bed for me to sleep on.
Eventually, the screaming stopped and my breathing settled. I didn’t get sick. My heart slowed. But I couldn’t stand or even think about leaving this room; I felt broken and empty, desperate to talk to my best friend, but he was gone. Scorpius would hate me now, and even if he didn’t hate me, it would be all awkward. Like he’d look at me and all he’d be able to think about would be my stupid boner.
It’s the middle of April. School ends in 9 weeks. I thought it would be completely reasonable to stay here like this til we had to get the train home. Maybe a house-elf would take pity on me and feed me some scraps of bread. Maybe I could just quit school like Uncle George and his brother did. Or I could go live with Dad and he could tell everyone I have spattergroit. That made me laugh. My father is such a straight arrow. Like he would ever lie for me.
I pulled a pillow from a pile that appeared to my left, and I lay down with my back against the door. At least my phone battery magically recharges. I--
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Hey, where are you. I can’t find you.
I texted Scorpius back as quickly as I could. At Dad’s. I have food poisoning. It’s not pretty.
No, you don’t.
Ugh, wait. Here it comes again.
I waited a few minutes then texted, I’m dead. I’m going to sleep here tonight. Forget abt the collab.
I want to talk to you.
I didn’t answer him. Instead, I pulled up YouTube and decided to be pathetic and watch my video again. But I had a notification. Someone had left a comment.
From: Isnt_that_wizard
To: NMFS
Comment: I feel you, bro. My father is also well known in my community, and people are always expecting me to be just like him. He was a great student and no matter how good I am, I never feel good enough. And I think I’m gay. No way I can tell him either. We’re like twins, bro. Great Vid! Subscribed.
I laughed as I read, because someone understood. Someone totally got me. I typed out a response.
From: NMFS
To: Isnt_that_wizard
Comment: Great name. From Doctor Who, right? The DoctorDonna. This is going to sound stupid, but what makes you think you’re gay.
The person responded faster than I thought he would.
Comment: Yes! I’ve never seen DW, but I have a friend who loves it. He tells me about it all the time. And I think I’m gay because I have these--thoughts about my best mate. We’ve been friends since we were little, and we go to the same boarding school.
Well, fuck. I know exactly what that feels like. Maybe we could commiserate. Bond.
Comment: Maybe he has feelings for you, too. Can you talk to him?
It felt like as soon as my comment posted, he responded.
Comment: No, I can’t because the prick ran out on me tonight before I could tell him. Yeah?
Oh. Fuck. No.
I stared at the comments: Scorpius’ father was a well-known Wizard. Scorpius was a gifted student but believed he’d never measure up to his father. I grew up watching Doctor Who and told him about it all the time.
My phone buzzed in my hand.
Where are you.
I’m dead. I can’t come to the mobile right now.
Please. The Room of Requirement won’t let me in. Come to the door.
How did he find my video and why won’t he leave me alone to die of embarrassment?
Scorpius’ voice filtered through the crack under the two doors. “Al? You there?” His voice cracked when he asked.
I nodded. Then I realized he couldn't hear me nod. “Yes,” I whispered, my throat raw from screaming.
“Sit by the door so we can talk.”
The doors rattled, and I figured he’d just sat against them. I rolled to my other side and faced the doors.
“Why did you run away?” Scorpius asked, his voice as ragged as mine.
“How did you find my video?”
“I was on YouTube while I was waiting for you in the changing room, and YouTube recc’d it to me. I watched it while you were in the shower.”
No. I banged my forehead against the door. I’d paid the service to promote my video. Fuck. I did this to myself.
“And then there’s the snake you drew on your arm today in Muggle Studies when you should have been listening to your father.” He laughed gently. “I told you that you should pay more attention.”
I traced the marker drawing on my arm with one finger, remembered him poking me in the ribs for not listening in class. I smiled, feeling only marginally less stupid.
I heard him sigh and then he cleared his throat. “Do you-- Are you really in love with me?”
Dear Room of Requirement: I need a hole to fall into please. Now would be great.
“Yes -- but don’t worry. I’ll figure it out and get through it, and we can, you know, just be friends again.” I said it in a rush, like maybe that would convince him to forget.
“What if I don’t want to just be friends again?”
He slipped his fingers under the door, palm up. He didn’t say anything. Just waited.
I touched my fingertips to his, knowing that if this were a dream, at least I’d have this much.
“You ran out before I could--” He curled his fingertips up, holding mine in place. “I wanted to tell you in the changing room, but you were just out of the shower, and you were all--wet, and I was trying not to stare at your arse. Then I was embarrassed because I was so bloody hard and I didn’t want to tell you even though I wanted to tell you so much.”
My breath hitched at his words. “You and me?”
“Unless you don't want--” His voice trembled as he released my hand.
“I want,” I said so fast that my words ran together without any clear division.
I scrambled to my feet and opened the door, startling Scorpius, who was lying on his side as I had been. He grinned, looking relieved, and jumped to his feet. I dragged him into the Room, but once I shut the doors I had no idea what to say or do. I looked at our hands, fingers interlocked, but I wanted to feel the cut of his cheekbones against my knuckles. The lines of his abs. To know how he would taste.
My stomach fluttered as Scorpius stepped toward me. He slid his hand behind my neck and threaded his fingers through my hair, twisting the ends around his finger. “I can do this now. I've been wondering what your hair would feel like.”
I closed my eyes and pressed the back of my head into his careful touch, and my concerns fell away. This was Scorpius. My best friend. And he loved me, too.
“How did you find me?” I traced the line of his jaw with my finger, dipping down to his chest, brushing over his nipples so I could hear him gasp. “I asked the Room for a for place to hide where no one would find me.”
“I guess because I’m not nobody.” He looked at me with so much love that I was breathless. “The Room must have known that you didn’t mean me, that I was safe because I’m your best friend. I knew right where to come, and the Room showed me the doors.”
I dropped my hands to his hips and pulled him in closer. Our mouths were so close; all I’d have to do was lean in a few millimeters. His breath was warm and sweet like the pumpkin juice and tarts from dinner. He nuzzled his nose against mine. “I’ve never kissed anyone,” I said against his lips.
He brought his hands to my cheeks and cradled them, held me like I was precious and fragile. “I’ve never kissed anyone, either.” He brushed his lips over mine.
I couldn’t catch my breath. I was falling, tumbling, my heart raced but I didn’t know if it were fear or exhilaration.
It couldn’t be fear, I reminded myself. This is Scorpius.
He caressed my cheekbone with his thumb and kissed me. Covered my lips with his. Unsure what to do, we hesitated, kissed and stopped. Kissed and stopped. When I parted my lips to draw in a breath, instead of leaning into another kiss, I traced the outline of his lips with my tongue and he moaned--a sound that made my knees weak and my heart beat faster.
At that moment I knew that I would do anything to hear him like that forever--kiss him and move with him until we were both breathless from our need and want
I want everything right now--to kiss every bit of his body, to taste him, to swallow him down, but I also wanted to slow time so I could remember every slide of his tongue and lips. The citrus scent of his shampoo, and the feel of his fingers in my hair, trailing down my shoulders, on my bare waist as he smoothed his palms against my skin.
I was dizzy with how much I wanted him. Needed him. In my haze, I barely registered that my cock was harder than it’s ever been, and when Scorpius shifted, I knew he was, too.
I broke the kiss and took his hand, guided him to the bed, the only piece of furniture the Room had given me.
Scorpius didn’t speak; he just dragged my shirt over my head and dropped it on the floor before he stepped back to look at me.
“Merlin, you’re--.” He drew his fingers through the hair on my chest, down my abdomen, resting lightly on the bulge in my sleep trousers. I whimpered again and kissed him, nipped his lip and pulled on it, rolled my hips into his hand, stopped kissing long enough to pull his shirt off him and fling it away. “Can I touch you?”
“Fuck yeah. I want that, too.” I nodded as I grinned.
He nudged me backward onto the bed, barely breaking our mouths apart, and when he straddled me, his palms near my shoulders, his cock gliding against mine, I begged again and again, but it’s okay because he’s the same, saying my name like it’s holy and beautiful.
Chest to chest and cocks aligned, we’re rolling our hips like we’ve done this before; my heart is racing, and my hands are everywhere, his waist, his arse, his face as I pull him down into more kisses.
My cock is throbbing, and I tense because I know I’m going to come in my pants. Scorpius shifts, leaning on his forearms now, his chest on mine. I feel his heart pounding and I know he feels mine, and right now, I’m happy, like I finally understand the meaning of the word. He looks at me, and it’s all right there, what I want to say but I can’t, so I just kiss him again, tangle my tongue with his, and his hips are moving faster, pressing harder, and I say his name as I come. He closes his eyes and throws his head back. He shudders and whispers I love you as his body stills.
We stay like that. I want him to be there forever.
But he’s crushing me with the weight of his limp body, the sweat slick between us. “Shift your fat arse.” My voice is light but exhausted and ready for sleep as my hand slides over the strong muscles in his shoulders and back.
He rolls off and lies next to me on the bed, and I know I’ve made a mistake. Immediately, the loss of him hurts; I miss the heat of him, the give and take of our chests as we breathe each other’s air. His lips on mine, our bodies pressing as we learn together.
I turn to my side, tap him so he’ll do the same, and then I pull him closer, closer to me. He smiles and I feel my heart stutter, stumble, beat again, faster and louder. I’m sure they’ll hear it in the Slytherin dorms. I feel like I’d just unwrapped the best, most unexpected Christmas gift, like the one you really want but your Mum and Dad say it’s too much and you can’t have it. Maybe later I’ll be embarrassed at how freaking happy I am, but I doubt it.
“We still have to do the video for Muggle Studies,” Scorpius mumbled, his eyes closed.
“We could do one right here, like this,” I teased as I kissed his neck, scraping my teeth just a little to see what he would do. He arched his back and turned his head, offering me full access. I’d definitely remember that for later.
“Sure. But we’d need a new professor, because we’d kill your dad.” Scorpius smiled slowly and opened his eyes and gazed into mine. He laughed, and tiny lines appeared at the bridge of his nose and crinkles at the corner of his eyes, and I was right back at winter hols in 6th year, knowing I loved him.
“We can do a quick collab, and I can edit and post it right from my phone.” I kissed him because I didn’t want to talk about school. “I know how to do that.”
Scorpius’ hand ghosted over my trousers and felt my prick twitch, not quite ready yet but very interested.
“I know,” Scorp said, kissing the tip of my nose and I melt a tiny bit more. “And I’m really thankful you did.”
Author:
burnin_up_a_sunPrompt: #12: Nothing more embarrassing than having the hots for your best friend
Pairing(s): Scorpius/Albus
Word Count: 7140
Rating: NC17
Warning(s): embarrassment
Disclaimer:Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: a huge thank you to my two fab betas (who sadly aren’t on LJ) and to digthewriter for this wonderful prompt. It has a H/D companion piece, which I’ll post on AO3 after this fest is revealed. The title comes from Troye Sivan’s song, Youth.
Summary: Nothing is more embarrassing than having the hots for your best friend, especially when he’s not interested. Or is he?
Uploading to YouTube: Processing. Your video will be available for viewing in five minutes.
I pulled at my hair as I watched the progress of my first video uploading. I don’t even know what I was thinking making a video diary and putting it out there for the Entire. World. To see. I was afraid people would view it and say something. Or worse, not say something. Oh--or even worse, not see it at all.
I tossed my phone onto my bed in dread.
Behind me, Scorpius scuffed into the room. Even without opening the bed curtains, I could tell him apart from everyone; the dickhead never picks up his feet when he walks.
“Al, what are you doing in there? Is it your homework for Muggle Studies?” Scorpius asked from the other side of the curtains. He shook the fabric, making the rings rattle.
Once last year, the arsehole had ripped open my curtains. I don’t know who’d been more embarrassed--me with spunk on my hand or him who watched it get there.
But tossing off in front of my best friend isn’t the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.
No.
That would be falling in love with him.
Utterly. Completely.
Over the span of six years -- so slowly I didn’t realize until last year over winter hols.
We’d been playing Wizard Chess in the Slytherin common room, and Scorpius hates to lose. Hates. It. He’d decided to swipe my wand to distract me, hoping it would mess with my mojo. He’d taunted me, bringing it closer and pulling it out of my reach. I'd called him some choice words while I was laughing and wound up chasing the plonker around the empty common room. I’d grabbed his shirt and held on, but he wriggled out of it and took off. Finally, both of us breathless and hysterical, I’d managed to back him up to our tall blanket cabinet and pushed against him as I reached for the wand he held over his head.
Through my shirt, I felt the heat of his chest as it rose and fell with his laughter. His warm breath tickled my cheeks as he breathed, standing on tiptoes to keep the wand out of my grasp. Merlin, I loved when he laughed so hard that his eyes crinkled at the corners and tiny lines creased the bridge of his nose. I realized, in that second with my heart pounding, what I really wanted to do was snog him senseless.
“Uh, I have to--use the loo,” I’d said without any sophistication, and I’d bolted up the stairs as fast as I could.
I was rock hard.
Because of him, that arse.
“Open ‘em if you want.” I sighed and picked up my phone and checked the uploading progress. Done. What a relief.
“You’re not wanking, are you? Because seeing that last year was enough—”
“Shut the fuck up, Scorp.” I wish he’d quit bringing it up. It wasn’t like I was saying his name when I came...not out loud, anyway.
He ripped the curtain open with a grin on his face, which fell when he saw me not wanking. “I thought I was going to catch you again.”
“Fuck you, you bellend.” I grinned in spite of myself.
***
We’ve been best friends since the first night of our first year. The Sorting Hat declared me a Slytherin, in front of the entire school. Our family’s Gryffindor legacy of courage, chivalry, and determination. Shot. To. Hell.
I’d sat on the stool with that fucking stupid hat on my head held my breath. Because if I breathed, I’d cry. And if I cried in front of the whole fucking school, I’d shame my family even more.
I’d climbed off the stool and began my long, slow slog to the Slytherin table who’d finally cheered for me. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at my real table, my Gryffindor table. Everyone’s jaw hung open, especially my brother’s. My dad looked a little sad. Probably because I was a Slytherin and an embarrassment. (I mean, I know now that he wasn’t sad because of me--but for me. He saw how miserable I was, but later he said it was my first step on my road.)
This tiny, white haired kid moved over to make room for me on the bench. “I’m sorry.”
So someone was gonna start already? “What the fuck does that mean?” I sat up as tall as a shrimpy eleven-year-old could, and I was ready to punch him.
“I meant—I just-- assume you’d rather be with your father and brother in Gryffindor.” His voice was quiet and I leaned closer to hear him better. “I’d rather be in Ravenclaw, where they wouldn’t tease me for being smart.”
I nodded and put out my hand. “I’m Albus. Albus. Severus. Potter. Could you get three worse names?”
The kid actually laughed as he shook my hand. “Try Scorpius. Hyperion. Malfoy.”
“That is bad.” I grimaced and shivered theatrically.
“Fuck off.”
“Make me.”
Which is how we became best friends. Because his name was just as bad as mine.
No, that's not the real reason. In a sea of the scariest people I’d ever met, he and I felt out of place and alone, but now we had each other.
Once everyone had been sorted, the whole house surrounded us first years and welcomed us. They told us that Slytherins will stand together always. For the rest of our lives.
That night, as the five of us first years settled into our room, Slytherin was something that was all mine. Not Jamie’s. Not my father’s.
And no one in Slytherin cared that my father was the Wizarding legend, Harry Potter. That he was The Chosen One. If they cared at all, it was because he taught Muggle Studies and gave us Muggle technology to use.
I lay in the dark that first night too excited to sleep. Finally, I wasn’t someone’s son or someone’s brother. I was me. “Good night, Al,” Scorpius had said quietly, not to wake up our other roommates. No one had ever called me Al before, always Albus, like it was a Holy Name.
Al.
I liked it.
I liked that he thought of me as an individual, not as some prepackaged family deal. I also liked his wicked, cutting sense of humor. His gray-blue eyes. His ability to brew a potion. The way his tongue darted out when he was thinking. And he was a damn good Seeker.
***
“Wow. Where’d you go?” Scorpius waved his hand in front of my face. “You back?”
I rolled my eyes. “I was just thinking how you weren’t a prat when we first met.”
“Fuck you, Al.”
He flipped me two fingers and laughed as he got down on his hands and knees to search under his bed for his Quidditch kit.
“Merlin’s saggy tit, didn’t you wash your uniform after the game?” I asked, sounding ridiculous as I pinched my nose. “Is that what stinks so bad in here? I thought it was Sweeny’s trainers.”
While Scorp looked for his robe, I unlocked my iPhone and closed out the YouTube app. I didn’t want anyone here to find out about it.
“Got it!” He pulled a wrinkled green mess from under his bed. If it’d been in one of my comic books, the uniform cloak would have been surrounded by a swarm of flies.
“If your father had a phone, I’d send him a Snapchat of that. You’d have a Howler here in record time.”
Scorpius stood and sniffed at the cloak, then held it an arm’s length from him. At least he was kind enough to hold it away from me. “Fuck you, Al. Your freakin’ father works here, and I keep all your secrets.”
What the fuck. What secrets? My stomach dropped and I felt sick all of a sudden.
Does he know--how I feel about him? No, right? “I’m literally an open book. I don’t have any secrets.” I said it as confidently as I could, considering I was trembling.
“Like that’s gonna stop me. I’ll make some up.” Scorpius grinned at me and pretended to think. “Let’s see. Hmmm. Dear Professor Potter, You’ll be interested in knowing that Albus Severus cheats in Divination.”
I belly laughed, because I was so frickin’ relieved. He didn’t know about my feelings. About my video. Thank you, Merlin!
“You do that, Scorp. Haven’t you ever read any of his unauthorized biographies? Dad thinks Divination is the stupidest class ever.”
Scorpius didn’t answer me. His ears were red, and he wouldn’t look at me.
I thought I had embarrassed him. “What? Scorp, what did I say?” I walked over to his bed. “Did I say something wrong?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never read about your father. My father kind of—”
Oh, fuck. I forgot. “—hates my dad.”
His cheeks matched his ears. “He likes you. But he only remembers your father from school. They were—”
“Arch nemeses.” I smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. “Yeah. I know. I’ve heard.”
“I wish it weren’t that way. Maybe Professor Potter could get my father’s exile reversed. It would be great for Father to come for our end of year celebration, but c’est la vie.”
He smiled sadly. He said c’est la vie, but I knew it hurt him that his father wasn’t allowed in the UK. It was either accept that punishment after the war or be sent to Azkaban. At least at his flat in Paris, he could still see Scorpius and be part of Scorp’s life.
Scorpius pulled his Potions book from his bag and sank back onto his pillow. He was engrossed in his reading—his smelly game robe forgotten.
I popped in my earbuds, opened the YouTube app on my phone and typed in NMFS, my channel name. Short for Not My Father's Son.
I’d decided to start a YouTube channel because I really needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t talk to Jamie or Lily. Rosie was great, but was friends with Scorpius, too. And the adults wouldn’t understand. Well, GranMol might, but she’d get a little tipsy at a birthday party and everyone would know.
So these videos would be like my diary. And if anyone saw them and responded, maybe I’d have someone to talk to about my life and my sexuality.
It’s not that I don’t love my dad, because I really do, but growing up I’d had to endure people saying, you look just like your father. You're going to do great things, just like your father.
But I’m not mini fucking Harry Potter. I’m my own goddamn person. A gay, horny, wisecracking bloke who loves Muggle technology and studying potions. Harry Freaking Potter is none of those things. He’d probably never told a joke or skived off in class when he was at Hogwarts. Hell, he couldn't even make his marriage work, so much for horny.
I hit play and the video started. I’d transfigured an empty classroom to look like a Muggle bedroom including classic rock posters on the wall. Zeppelin. The Who. Yes.
I made sure the camera only recorded me from the neck down. I’m not great at Glamours and if a wizard were watching, I didn't want to take a chance that the Glamour hadn’t filmed right. And I’d be so fucked if someone recognized me and went running to my father.
Hi everyone. Thanks for coming to my channel. I'm--
I’d made two square brackets with my fingers and inserted NMFS in there when I edited it.
I'm going to share my life with you--what it's like to be a gay bloke from a sheltered community. My upbringing does not allow technology of any sort. I should say most people where I live. Kids my age are trying to bring it in, but it’s super slow.
So, I’m 17. I go to a boarding school in Scotland. We only get to go home for winter and summer hols. I miss my mum, but my brother and sister are here with me. That kind of sucks, because like, no privacy, right? No place to make my own mistakes without someone telling one of them or worse, my father. Oh, I forgot to tell you my father teaches here, too.
Another issue in my upbringing is that it’s hard to be gay. My parents and their friends are all about marrying into the right families and having babies. So, yeah. Not out. And well, I’m totally in love. I have been for years. He’s my best mate. He’s great, so hot and so smart, which is so freaking hot, too. And he’s an incredible athlete. And before you ask, no. I can’t tell him how I feel.
I hope you understand why I can’t show you my face. If anyone I knew saw this, I’d be well fucked...And not in the good way.
I’ll try to make my next video longer. If you liked this, I hope you’ll subscribe to my channel…
When I edited, I’d added my channel name, and under the video screen was a link to subscribe.
…And I’ll see you next Friday!
Okay. It wasn’t that bad. I mean, I looked kind of stupid, but I’d think that even if I looked like Tom Hiddleston. I don’t know. Maybe no one would ever see it. That would be ok, because at least this way, I felt like I had someone to talk to. Even if it were just me.
And that made me laugh. Who was I kidding? I knew I’d be sneaking looks all night, to see if it even had views. I’d signed up for a service that would recommend my channel to people who’d viewed similar content. “Because you’ve watched Dan & Phil, you might also like—”
My stomach rumbled, which sounded a lot like the squid’s tentacles on our windows. I laughed, but Scorpius didn’t look up; he was completely absorbed in his Potions book.
I try really hard not to look at him when people are around, because I feel like my eyes betray me. What if I look like a puppy? Or a lovesick 17-year-old. But it was safe now.
His eyelashes were so long; if we kissed, our eyes closed, would his lashes brush my cheeks, feel like butterfly kisses? And his hair. It’s like the white sand that drifts through my fingers, soft and warm when I’m at the beach on vacation. Sometimes I think about touching his hair, maybe with his head on my lap, just reading his Runes book or dozing, and I’m petting him. And it would be so soft and he’d be so beautiful, and I’d lean over and kiss him, and he’d lay us down and roll on top of me, and he’d be so hard and--
Fuck. I was hard now.
Breathe. Breathe. Slow down. I had to make my dick go down. I couldn’t get up from my bed like this.
Instead, I threw a pillow at Scorp, who was still reading. When it hit him, he looked up at me, with this huge smile. And he flipped me off and I knew when I looked at him, it was all gooey and fond.
“Hey. It’s dinner time, then practice.” I tried not to look right at him, so in case he could read my mind. “Wanna go?” When I knew my dick wouldn’t embarrass me, I got up, grabbed my Quidditch kit and threw his nasty robe at him. When he pretended to faint from the stink, I may have melted a little more.
~*~
One really, really bad thing about springtime night practices is the increased chance of rain.
Yeah.
Just because I was Captain didn’t mean they’d listen when I said, “Don’t fucking grind me into the mudpud—” And next thing I knew I was covered in mud and soaking wet. I had mud in places it didn’t belong.
I try to be the first one to grab a shower and then leave as quickly as I can. I mean, no one knows I’m gay, and a lot of guys rub one out in the long, open stall, but I just—I didn’t want to see Scorpius like that. Actually, no, of course I do. And that was the problem.
By the time Scorpius and I got back to the changing room, only one shower head was open. My teammates had strewn their muddy uniforms all over the small room as they peeled them off. Since the one bench was between the lockers and the showers, I had to step carefully or tromp on the wet clothes. “You go ahead,” I said. “I’ll wait. I’m trying to find out the homework for Muggle Studies.” I waved my phone toward him, as if to say, see? Not lying.
He stripped out of his kit as he talked, and I pretended to be immersed in my phone because I couldn’t look at him while he spoke. “Merlin’s balls, Al. Do you ever pay attention in class? We have to look at that new app, YouTube I think it’s called? And make and post a video.”
Are you fucking kidding me? Of all weeks, our class has to go on YouTube when I just started my own channel? Merlin’s fucking saggy balls. If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. I hid my face in my palms and just shook my head.
His clapped his warm, wide palm on my muddy shoulder. “Don’t worry, Al. You’re not that ugly. You won’t break the camera.”
I turned around to tell him to fuck off. He was sweaty, the hair on his chest damp with it. Dirty where mud had seeped through his uniform trousers. And naked.
The air whooshed out of my chest.
I tried not to stare at his half hard cock that was at my eye level. I felt light headed and literally saw stars from not breathing.
The blush rushed up my neck and face and I spun away. I can’t--I can’t look at him because he doesn’t feel the same, and that makes me fucking pathetic. “Oh yeah. YouTube.”
“I have no idea how you pass any of your classes.” He knocked into me and walked toward the shower.
I listened to the trash talk between my teammates, about their girlfriends and shite professors, about dinner, about everything, as I tried to blank out Scorp. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him naked, but once I’d knew how I felt, I made sure I avoided it.
Because, I was pretty sure we’d never get together, and eventually, when I came out, I wanted to be able to say honestly, I wasn’t creeping him.
My head ached as I shrugged off my cold, slimy kit. One by one the other guys finished their showers, talking and laughing as they dressed and left. I wrapped a towel around my waist and sat on the bench, scrolling through YouTube. I had zero hits on my video so far.
“Potter. What are you waiting for? Afraid of water?” Scorpius had snuck up behind me and whipped his head side to side, his wet hair raining on me.
“No. I’m just—” I turned around, and again I wasn’t prepared for the towel, slung low on his hips, well below his belly button. The downy hair that led under the towel, darker than the hair on his head.
Jesus. I wanted to kiss him, slowly at first, then harder, needier. To take his hand that held the corners of the towel together, forcing him to release the towel and already be on my knees by the time it hit the floor, to lick the shower water from him, drop by drop.
I think I moaned.
Fuck, I was hard. Again.
“Are you going to take a shower before we head back? I’ll wait for you.” Scorpius scooped my wet uniform pieces into a neat pile and placed them in my hold-all before dressing.
“You really don’t have to.” I trembled from my need to toss off. I’d ignored it too many times and my balls were, like, literally blue. I grabbed my towel and shower bag and held them low enough that I really hoped they covered me. If only there were divided showers, or at least curtains.
I turned on the cold water, but I couldn’t stay in it; my teeth chattered too hard. I looked over my shoulder and Scorpius was head down in his phone. Maybe I could just take care of business. I switched to hot water and washed up as quickly as I could. As I lathered my hair, I checked Scorpius one more time. Good. He was still absorbed in his phone.
I rinsed my hair, and then squeezed out more shampoo onto my palm. It was a bad choice, but my only choice. I wrapped my fingers around my cock, and the slippery shampoo seeped through the gaps between my fingers as I squeezed tighter.
It wasn’t gonna take long, but I didn’t care. I leaned my forehead on the back wall and let the water stream over my shoulders. I thought about Scorpius on his knees in the shower.
Swallowing my entire cock in one go. His eyes smiling up at me because his mouth is so full and stretched as wide as it goes. I did that to him. He moans as I fuck his mouth, but not like a sign of submission or anything, but because he likes it. I like it. God, he loves it.
My fist pumps faster the more I think about him sucking me just because I love it. I melt and melt and I’m trying not to thrust my hips, and when I come on the shower wall, I think I whispered his name.
I angled the shower head toward the wall and rinsed my hands at the same time. I toweled off in the stall and threw on what I’d worn to practice. And I didn’t think Scorpius heard anything.
“Hey, you ready?” I play-punched his arm, and he cursed me out, jamming his phone deep into his pocket.
He took his headphones out and jammed his phone into his robe pocket. “That was fast. I don’t know why you don’t take longer showers here. The water is hotter.”
“Yeah,” I said as we walked back up to the castle. “But sometimes, a bloke just wants privacy when he showers.”
Scorpius turned to me, grinning. “Why? It’s not like I haven’t heard you before.”
I shoved him with my hip, and he stumbled sideways, laughing.
~*~
The common room felt too cold when we came in, so Scorpius and I grabbed two blankets from the cabinet and returned to our room to finish our homework. We changed into warm pyjamas and crashed on his bed. I wrote a Potions essay and then slogged through History of Magic reading as he wrote his Arithmancy essay.
“So, what was the specific assignment for Muggle Studies?” I poked Scorpius’ thigh with my toes.
Scorpius checked his calendar app. “We need to make a video alone or a collab and upload it to YouTube. And Professor Potter reminded us that violations of the Statute of Secrecy are handled outside of Hogwarts.”
My heart pounded. All these people going on YouTube. But I had been careful. It’ll be fine. And I definitely didn’t show my face. I breathed out slowly reminding myself I was prone to drama. Thanks, Mum.
“Want to record a collab? I’ve seen these YouTubers do something called the 7 second challenge.” Scorpius bit his lip as he thought. “Like, one issues a challenge and the other has to do it in under 7 seconds. Like, touch all four walls of your room. Or invent an alien greeting.”
“That sounds easier than pouring our hearts out. Wait, you watch Dan & Phil? I do, too.”
“Wait a mo’.” Scorpius hopped off the bed and dashed out of the room. I didn’t smell his pillow while he was gone, because that would have been weird and wrong in so many ways.
Sigh.
He ran back into the room, holding his hand up in victory. “Lucy let me borrow her makeup. This is going to be brilliant.”
He’d gone mental. That was it.
He grinned and dropped down on the bed, popping the books and parchments up and back down. “I’ll close my eyes and try to put makeup on you. Then you do the same to me.”
Ohhhhhhkaaaaaay was all I could manage, but Scorp did agree to go first. I suggested that we change into Muggle shirts and face the camera away from our wall posters.
“Merlin, Al, that was brilliant. I wouldn’t have thought of that, and I’d be in Azkaban for violating the Secrecy statute. Dying of loneliness.” Scorpius dramatically threw the back of his hand across his forehead, like some old illustration.
“You wouldn’t die of loneliness,” I said super seriously. When Scorpius smiled an awwwww that’s nice smile, I finished by saying, “I’d visit you probably once every year or so.”
He hit me with his pillow. The one I definitely didn’t stick my nose into. That smelled like citrus and honey and vanilla.
“Fuck you, Malfoy. You’re gonna break my face, and then I won’t be beautiful anymore.” I lunged at him, my phone in his outstretched hand. “You better not be recording this.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” He fell backward to the bed, laughing so hard I could barely make out his words.
“The fuck I can’t. Gimme my phone.” He knew the passcode to my phone...if he found my video and watched it, he’d find out, and he’d hate me, and we’d never be friends again. What the fuck did I think I was doing with that video? My gut ran cold at the thought of Scorpius not having him in my life.
I climbed over him and planted my knees on either side of his torso. He thought I was going to tickle him, but I wasn’t playing. I just wanted my phone and to ignore the fact that I was straddling him.
“Get it if you want it.” Scorpius was breathless from laughing and he taunted me by bringing my phone closer and pulling it away. Fuck. His biceps pulled at the sleeves of his sleep t-shirt, and the hem of it rucked up, over his belly button exposing the downy hair.
Fuck.
Hoping he wouldn’t notice the growing bulge in my jogging bottoms, I sat back on his thighs and tried a different approach. “May I please have my phone?”
“Oh. Manners.” Scorpius gulped air to stop laughing. “Hmmmm. I wonder what’s on here that I can’t see?” With his thumb, he entered my four-digit code. The pink tip of his tongue dipped out between his lips as he pretended to concentrate.
I leaned forward to make one final grab at the same time he raised his hips to buck me off. My hips rolled and my traitor dick, hard even though this wasn’t really sexual, grazed his.
He stopped struggling and looked into my eyes. His pupils were huge, and I saw something I didn’t recognize.
Oh, fuck.
Fear. Oh God, that was fear in his eyes.
My stupid body ruined everything.
I grabbed my phone, jumped off him and bolted out of the room. I don’t even know if he said anything because all I could hear over the pounding of my heart was my brain telling me how much of a fucking dickhead I was.
I ran.
I didn’t even care if Filch or his stupid cat heard me. I ran to the only place I could think of, where no one could find me. Up to the seventh floor. I walked past the door to the Room of Requirement three times, thinking, “I need to hide where no one can find me. I need to hide where no one can find me.”
When the doors appeared, I ducked inside and slumped down against the wall, dizzy and weak now that it was safe to collapse. I replayed it over and over, like some horror film. We were having such a good time, then he raised his fucking hips, and his shirt, and his stomach, and my hard dick.
I dropped my head to my knees and waited for the nausea to pass. Or to sick up. I’d fucked up the best friendship I’d ever had. I screamed into the vast room, empty except for a bed for me to sleep on.
Eventually, the screaming stopped and my breathing settled. I didn’t get sick. My heart slowed. But I couldn’t stand or even think about leaving this room; I felt broken and empty, desperate to talk to my best friend, but he was gone. Scorpius would hate me now, and even if he didn’t hate me, it would be all awkward. Like he’d look at me and all he’d be able to think about would be my stupid boner.
It’s the middle of April. School ends in 9 weeks. I thought it would be completely reasonable to stay here like this til we had to get the train home. Maybe a house-elf would take pity on me and feed me some scraps of bread. Maybe I could just quit school like Uncle George and his brother did. Or I could go live with Dad and he could tell everyone I have spattergroit. That made me laugh. My father is such a straight arrow. Like he would ever lie for me.
I pulled a pillow from a pile that appeared to my left, and I lay down with my back against the door. At least my phone battery magically recharges. I--
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Hey, where are you. I can’t find you.
I texted Scorpius back as quickly as I could. At Dad’s. I have food poisoning. It’s not pretty.
No, you don’t.
Ugh, wait. Here it comes again.
I waited a few minutes then texted, I’m dead. I’m going to sleep here tonight. Forget abt the collab.
I want to talk to you.
I didn’t answer him. Instead, I pulled up YouTube and decided to be pathetic and watch my video again. But I had a notification. Someone had left a comment.
From: Isnt_that_wizard
To: NMFS
Comment: I feel you, bro. My father is also well known in my community, and people are always expecting me to be just like him. He was a great student and no matter how good I am, I never feel good enough. And I think I’m gay. No way I can tell him either. We’re like twins, bro. Great Vid! Subscribed.
I laughed as I read, because someone understood. Someone totally got me. I typed out a response.
From: NMFS
To: Isnt_that_wizard
Comment: Great name. From Doctor Who, right? The DoctorDonna. This is going to sound stupid, but what makes you think you’re gay.
The person responded faster than I thought he would.
Comment: Yes! I’ve never seen DW, but I have a friend who loves it. He tells me about it all the time. And I think I’m gay because I have these--thoughts about my best mate. We’ve been friends since we were little, and we go to the same boarding school.
Well, fuck. I know exactly what that feels like. Maybe we could commiserate. Bond.
Comment: Maybe he has feelings for you, too. Can you talk to him?
It felt like as soon as my comment posted, he responded.
Comment: No, I can’t because the prick ran out on me tonight before I could tell him. Yeah?
Oh. Fuck. No.
I stared at the comments: Scorpius’ father was a well-known Wizard. Scorpius was a gifted student but believed he’d never measure up to his father. I grew up watching Doctor Who and told him about it all the time.
My phone buzzed in my hand.
Where are you.
I’m dead. I can’t come to the mobile right now.
Please. The Room of Requirement won’t let me in. Come to the door.
How did he find my video and why won’t he leave me alone to die of embarrassment?
Scorpius’ voice filtered through the crack under the two doors. “Al? You there?” His voice cracked when he asked.
I nodded. Then I realized he couldn't hear me nod. “Yes,” I whispered, my throat raw from screaming.
“Sit by the door so we can talk.”
The doors rattled, and I figured he’d just sat against them. I rolled to my other side and faced the doors.
“Why did you run away?” Scorpius asked, his voice as ragged as mine.
“How did you find my video?”
“I was on YouTube while I was waiting for you in the changing room, and YouTube recc’d it to me. I watched it while you were in the shower.”
No. I banged my forehead against the door. I’d paid the service to promote my video. Fuck. I did this to myself.
“And then there’s the snake you drew on your arm today in Muggle Studies when you should have been listening to your father.” He laughed gently. “I told you that you should pay more attention.”
I traced the marker drawing on my arm with one finger, remembered him poking me in the ribs for not listening in class. I smiled, feeling only marginally less stupid.
I heard him sigh and then he cleared his throat. “Do you-- Are you really in love with me?”
Dear Room of Requirement: I need a hole to fall into please. Now would be great.
“Yes -- but don’t worry. I’ll figure it out and get through it, and we can, you know, just be friends again.” I said it in a rush, like maybe that would convince him to forget.
“What if I don’t want to just be friends again?”
He slipped his fingers under the door, palm up. He didn’t say anything. Just waited.
I touched my fingertips to his, knowing that if this were a dream, at least I’d have this much.
“You ran out before I could--” He curled his fingertips up, holding mine in place. “I wanted to tell you in the changing room, but you were just out of the shower, and you were all--wet, and I was trying not to stare at your arse. Then I was embarrassed because I was so bloody hard and I didn’t want to tell you even though I wanted to tell you so much.”
My breath hitched at his words. “You and me?”
“Unless you don't want--” His voice trembled as he released my hand.
“I want,” I said so fast that my words ran together without any clear division.
I scrambled to my feet and opened the door, startling Scorpius, who was lying on his side as I had been. He grinned, looking relieved, and jumped to his feet. I dragged him into the Room, but once I shut the doors I had no idea what to say or do. I looked at our hands, fingers interlocked, but I wanted to feel the cut of his cheekbones against my knuckles. The lines of his abs. To know how he would taste.
My stomach fluttered as Scorpius stepped toward me. He slid his hand behind my neck and threaded his fingers through my hair, twisting the ends around his finger. “I can do this now. I've been wondering what your hair would feel like.”
I closed my eyes and pressed the back of my head into his careful touch, and my concerns fell away. This was Scorpius. My best friend. And he loved me, too.
“How did you find me?” I traced the line of his jaw with my finger, dipping down to his chest, brushing over his nipples so I could hear him gasp. “I asked the Room for a for place to hide where no one would find me.”
“I guess because I’m not nobody.” He looked at me with so much love that I was breathless. “The Room must have known that you didn’t mean me, that I was safe because I’m your best friend. I knew right where to come, and the Room showed me the doors.”
I dropped my hands to his hips and pulled him in closer. Our mouths were so close; all I’d have to do was lean in a few millimeters. His breath was warm and sweet like the pumpkin juice and tarts from dinner. He nuzzled his nose against mine. “I’ve never kissed anyone,” I said against his lips.
He brought his hands to my cheeks and cradled them, held me like I was precious and fragile. “I’ve never kissed anyone, either.” He brushed his lips over mine.
I couldn’t catch my breath. I was falling, tumbling, my heart raced but I didn’t know if it were fear or exhilaration.
It couldn’t be fear, I reminded myself. This is Scorpius.
He caressed my cheekbone with his thumb and kissed me. Covered my lips with his. Unsure what to do, we hesitated, kissed and stopped. Kissed and stopped. When I parted my lips to draw in a breath, instead of leaning into another kiss, I traced the outline of his lips with my tongue and he moaned--a sound that made my knees weak and my heart beat faster.
At that moment I knew that I would do anything to hear him like that forever--kiss him and move with him until we were both breathless from our need and want
I want everything right now--to kiss every bit of his body, to taste him, to swallow him down, but I also wanted to slow time so I could remember every slide of his tongue and lips. The citrus scent of his shampoo, and the feel of his fingers in my hair, trailing down my shoulders, on my bare waist as he smoothed his palms against my skin.
I was dizzy with how much I wanted him. Needed him. In my haze, I barely registered that my cock was harder than it’s ever been, and when Scorpius shifted, I knew he was, too.
I broke the kiss and took his hand, guided him to the bed, the only piece of furniture the Room had given me.
Scorpius didn’t speak; he just dragged my shirt over my head and dropped it on the floor before he stepped back to look at me.
“Merlin, you’re--.” He drew his fingers through the hair on my chest, down my abdomen, resting lightly on the bulge in my sleep trousers. I whimpered again and kissed him, nipped his lip and pulled on it, rolled my hips into his hand, stopped kissing long enough to pull his shirt off him and fling it away. “Can I touch you?”
“Fuck yeah. I want that, too.” I nodded as I grinned.
He nudged me backward onto the bed, barely breaking our mouths apart, and when he straddled me, his palms near my shoulders, his cock gliding against mine, I begged again and again, but it’s okay because he’s the same, saying my name like it’s holy and beautiful.
Chest to chest and cocks aligned, we’re rolling our hips like we’ve done this before; my heart is racing, and my hands are everywhere, his waist, his arse, his face as I pull him down into more kisses.
My cock is throbbing, and I tense because I know I’m going to come in my pants. Scorpius shifts, leaning on his forearms now, his chest on mine. I feel his heart pounding and I know he feels mine, and right now, I’m happy, like I finally understand the meaning of the word. He looks at me, and it’s all right there, what I want to say but I can’t, so I just kiss him again, tangle my tongue with his, and his hips are moving faster, pressing harder, and I say his name as I come. He closes his eyes and throws his head back. He shudders and whispers I love you as his body stills.
We stay like that. I want him to be there forever.
But he’s crushing me with the weight of his limp body, the sweat slick between us. “Shift your fat arse.” My voice is light but exhausted and ready for sleep as my hand slides over the strong muscles in his shoulders and back.
He rolls off and lies next to me on the bed, and I know I’ve made a mistake. Immediately, the loss of him hurts; I miss the heat of him, the give and take of our chests as we breathe each other’s air. His lips on mine, our bodies pressing as we learn together.
I turn to my side, tap him so he’ll do the same, and then I pull him closer, closer to me. He smiles and I feel my heart stutter, stumble, beat again, faster and louder. I’m sure they’ll hear it in the Slytherin dorms. I feel like I’d just unwrapped the best, most unexpected Christmas gift, like the one you really want but your Mum and Dad say it’s too much and you can’t have it. Maybe later I’ll be embarrassed at how freaking happy I am, but I doubt it.
“We still have to do the video for Muggle Studies,” Scorpius mumbled, his eyes closed.
“We could do one right here, like this,” I teased as I kissed his neck, scraping my teeth just a little to see what he would do. He arched his back and turned his head, offering me full access. I’d definitely remember that for later.
“Sure. But we’d need a new professor, because we’d kill your dad.” Scorpius smiled slowly and opened his eyes and gazed into mine. He laughed, and tiny lines appeared at the bridge of his nose and crinkles at the corner of his eyes, and I was right back at winter hols in 6th year, knowing I loved him.
“We can do a quick collab, and I can edit and post it right from my phone.” I kissed him because I didn’t want to talk about school. “I know how to do that.”
Scorpius’ hand ghosted over my trousers and felt my prick twitch, not quite ready yet but very interested.
“I know,” Scorp said, kissing the tip of my nose and I melt a tiny bit more. “And I’m really thankful you did.”
